The Awesomely Wicked! Life Before Ballerina
by Legolas Skies
Summary: The prequel to The Witches of Pooka
1. Chapter 1

The Awesomely _Wicked!_ Life, Before Ballerina Boy

Part 1

One day, the Witches of Pooka went to Kohl's for the afternoon. They were trying to find a beautiful tiara for the oldest of them, Lexi, the Good Witch of the North.

"Dude," said Mac, "How about this one?"

"No," said Lexi, "orange diamonds shaped like monkeys just doesn't suit me very well."

"Fine, your loss," said Mac putting the tiara on her head and looking into a mirror. "It's even fit for Madame Malicious Monkey."

"Then get it," Amber said.

"I will!" sand Mac, who was now leaping around showing off her tiara.

"I found it! I found the perfect one!" yelled Fiona.

The others rushed over to see. Fiona was pointing to a large black tiara, set with bright rubies.

"Why is it so big?" Amber asked Mac, whispering.

"Of course it's big; it has to fit her fat head!"

Amber doubled over laughing.

"Oh...My...Goodness," said Lexi, "it's perfect!'

"It is?" asked Mac and Amber together.

"Not that one, you idiots, that one," said Lexi, pointing over their heads. She skipped over to where she had pointed and picked up a beautiful tiara with canary yellow diamonds.

"Oh," said Mac, "sparkly."

"It's pretty," agreed Amber.

"But what about **me**?" whined Fiona.

"In case you haven't noticed," said Mac, "we don't like you, sooooo we don't care about you."

"No Mac, that's just you!" said Fiona, "Right guys?" She looked at Amber and Lexi, hoping to gain support for her statement, but, Lexi stared at the ceiling and Amber started at the ground, neither saying a thing.

"Well, fine then I'm leaving?" yelled Fiona, as she disappeared in black, smelly smoke.

"Man," said Mac, waving her hand in front of her nose, "she better lay off the perfume for a while."

"Mac," said Lexi, "you probably shouldn't have done that."

"Yeah," said Amber, "but I'm glad you did!"

"Oh, don't worry, she'll just go off hunting for a few days then she will be fine."

"Hunting? Do you mean like in a forest? For animals?" asked Lexi.

"I didn't know she hunted," said Amber.

"Not animals, guys, you the 'come get me' pose," said Mac, demonstrating.

"I did know that," said Amber.

"Well, it's time to go," said Lexi. Then they disappeared in their colored smoke.

It seemed as though Mac's prediction was correct. Fiona came back to the Funnel Cake Castle after four days. She had finally cooled off, or so it seemed...

One morning, about a week after Fiona had returned, Mac stumbled down the starburst stair for breakfast. She was so tired that she almost didn't notice the paper that was tacked to the pop tart wall. Mac did a double take and then took a closer look. It said:

I, Fiona, Wicked Witch of the East, petition to remove Mac, the Wicked Witch of the West, from residence at Funnel Cake Castle, Land of Pooka, Norway.

Mac, now wide awake ran back up the stairs to Lexi's room and burst in.

"Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!"

"Uh, na way!" Lexi mumbled.

"What was that?" Mac asked.

"GO AWAY!" Lexi yelled throwing her pillow at Mac.

"But you have to see this."

Lexi sat up and rubbed her eyes as she took the paper from Mac.

"This time she has gone too far!" Mac exclaimed.

"Why would she do that?" asked Lexi. "She knows we like you better."

Mac took the paper back and went across the hall to Amber's room. "Amber, A-A-Amber, A-A-Amber!" yelled Mac.

"hmph?" asked Amber.

"Look."

"Oh My God."

"Amber, can I borrow your spork?"

"Anything to get her out of here."

Now as if even all that weren't enough, when Mac went down stairs, sitting in the chocolate fountain was Mac's favorite stuffed monkey.

"Nooooooooooooooo! Not IO! Anyone but IO!"

Fiona came down the stairs. "What is all this noise?" she asked.

"You!" yelled Mac, brandishing the spork, "you killed IO!" she cried (literally). "You know what? I hope a flying house lands on you and squishers you to death!" Then after angrily glaring at Fiona for a few seconds Mac began chasing after her with the Spork. Mac landed a few solid pokes before Fiona disappeared.

"Mac? Are you okay?" asked Amber.

"IOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Is that a no?"

"Didn't she know IO was you favorite? The on Agravaine gave you?" asked Lexi.

"She knew!" yelled Mac, "That fat anorexic cow knew!"

Both Lexi and Amber gave Mac a huge hug.

"Hey," said Amber, "you...uh...you, slave! What's your name again?"

"Brian," said the servant.

"Yeah, you. Wash this monkey."

"Noooooo!" yelled Mac, "I don't trust anyone with my IO!" Mac hugged the chocolate soaked monkey and ran upstairs, leaving a chocolaty trail behind.

"You know," said Lexi looking around the dining room on day at lunch, "We really need to redecorate the castle..."

"Yeah!" said Mac, "I want giant orange gummy bears in my room."

"Okay," said Amber, "As long as I get a green one."

"I want my walls to be funnel cakes!" said Lexi.

"I," said Amber, "want a mint theme!"

"Well, we better get shopping," said Mac.

And they left.

Meanwhile, Jack and Gilligan were getting ready to set sail on their boat tour. They set sail. When they got out into the middle of the ocean, a sudden storm blew up. A whirlpool formed from nowhere right underneath them. Gilligan jumped overboard and swam to the shore of a nearby island. However, Jack wasn't so lucky. He was sucked down into the whirlpool. Coincidently the whirlpool connected to Munchkin Land, the beginning of the Fuchsia Brick Road...

"Hey!" exclaimed Jack, "where is everyone? Oh! Look at that pretty fuchsia brick road! I'm going to follow it..."

And so he did.

Jack walked and walked until he became very tired and lonely. He stopped by a tree and looked around.

"I think I'm lost," said Jack to the tree.

"Well, that sucks," said a voice.

"Who said that!" said Jack looking around frantically. "Who are you?"

"A tree. What are you, stoop?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yelled Jack as he tore off down the road.

And he didn't stop running until the road ended in a field of candy flowers.

"Man, look at that castle. It looks like something straight out of Disney."

Jack crossed the field and found himself on a peppermint walkway. He made his way up to the door and knocked.

No one answered.

Ho looked around and saw that the entire castle was made of candy! His dreams come true.

He knocked again.

And again no one answered.

Finally Jack decided that he didn't care and just went in. He figured that anyone with a candy castle couldn't be all bad...

He pushed open the door and his jaw dropped in amazement.

In the middle of the entrance hall was a beautiful chocolate fountain. Not only was it spurting chocolate, it was made of chocolate!

"Dude, it's like Willy Wonka, or something."

And so it was. Everything in sight was made of candy!

"Oh," said Jack, "they won't notice if I take one bite."

And so they wouldn't have, of course, that meant he was only to take one bite. But after that first bite then came another and another and another until the whole thing was gone. In mere minutes the whole fountain, in all its chocolaty glory, was gone. Not a speck left except for the chocolate beard that had formed around Jack's mouth as he ate.

Jack lay on the ground groaning and clutching his stomach, when he heard a voice outside say, "I still think the fudge poptarts would look better than strawberry." The door handle turned.

Three women walked in and then stopped in their tracks.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude, okay it do, but anyway, who are you and why are you in our house?" asked a woman in jeans and an orange t-shirt.

"Uhhhhh," Jack said intelligently.

"Where is the fountain?" asked a woman in a yellow dress. "Huh? Where is it?"

"It uhhh...disappeared!" Jack said acting like it was the best answer to that question.

"Yeah, into your stomach!" yelled a woman in a green dress.

"You have no proof!" yelled Jack.

"Oh, Jack, honey," said Mac oddly nice. "You've go some chocolate on your face!" she yelled. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Death?" said Lexi.

"By spork?" asked Amber.

"How about enslavement? If we kill him we can only torture him once. If we make him our slave, well, then we could have a lifetime of fun with our new minion..." said Mac.

"I agree!" yelled Amber.

"Me too!" said Lexi, happily.

"Sounds good," said Jack.

"Oh minion!" yelled Mac, when she woke up one Saturday morning, "Minion!"

"Yes?" asked Jack as he burst into her room out of breath.

"It's bath day," she said.

"What!"

"Yep and it's your job to wash my monkeys, Amber's penguins and Lexi's poogles."

"You're kidding. I'm not doing that!"

"Would you rather be sporked and then do it?"

Jack just glared at her.

"Glare all you want, minion. You're still a minion."

Jack slammed the door.


	2. Part 2

The Awesomely _Wicked!_ Life, Before Ballerina Boy

Part 2

"Dude!" said Amber.

"What?" Lexi asked.

Amber pointed pout the lollipop stained glass window "Look."

Lexi and Amber looked out to the grounds where they saw Jack and the pets.

"What's your point?" Lexi asked. "Mac made him clean them."

"No!" Amber said, "Over there."

Fiona stood half way in the shadows watching Jack, hidden in the lollipop forest.

"What's she doing?"

"Stalking," Amber said simply.

"'Come get me' again!" Lexi said.

"He's goin' an' gettin' her!" cried Amber.

"What's going on?" asked Mac.

"Shhhhh!" said Lexi.

Jack was now next to Fiona. She was looking at him with mild interest.

"Uh...Hi!" said Jack.

"What are you stoop!" demanded Mac, raising her hand in the air.

"Hush!" Amber and Lexi clamped their hands over Mac's mouth so her rant was muffled.

"Hi!" Fiona said, with a trace of disgust.

"Um...I...uh...here," Jack threw a note at her.

DeR Foeeenuh,

I lyk3 y0u

W!lL j0o gOo 0uT w/ m3!

-JcK

C!Rcl3 I?

y3$ / n0

Fiona's eyebrows shot up. Getting an evil look on her face, she muttered something and all the clean pets were covered in mud.

"Muhahahaha!" she cackled and disappeared.

"So..." said Jack, "is that a yes?"

Lexi, Amber, and Mac sat in the computer room. Lexi was checking her e-mail. The three were discussing how much Fiona sucks.

"God, she sucks," said Amber.

"Yeah," agreed Mac "sucks my flying monkeys."

All of a sudden Lexi minimized her e-mail and brought up the Google home page. She typed quickly and Mac and Amber barely had time to see what she had written before she his enter. She had typed 'Fiona sucks, oops thats a bad word!' (A/N: At our school the word "sucks" is treated as profanity! That sucks doesn't it?)

When the search results came up the only thing on the screen was, 'Did you mean: Fiona sucks, oops that's a bad word?'

"Lexi rolled her eyes and clicked on the link.

"Hey," said Lexi, "something came up!"

Mac and Amber ran to see.

"Oh," said Amber, "I completely forgot all about this!"

"It's our old site!" yelled Mac.

"Yeah," said Lexi, "The K.F.C."

"You know what?" said Mac, "I think we should start it up again!"

"I'll make graphics!" yelled Amber.

Just then Lexi clicked on the message boards.

"Oh my goodness, we have fans!"

"What do you mean?" asked Mac.

"I mean," said Lexi, "that there are actually people who post regularly on our site!"

"Why?" asked Amber, "Nobody knows who Fiona is."

"I think they're all munchkins," said Lexi. "From the looks of it, Fiona moved to Munchkin Land and took over as a dictator."

"Man, that's too bad," said Mac "but at least she's _not_ here!"

"You are so evil!" said Amber.

"_Wicked Witch_."

Suddenly a voice came from the entrance hall, "Hello?!!!! Is anyone here?"

Amber, Mac, and Lexi ran to see who it was...

It was Gilligan. Coincidentally, the island he had swum to wasn't an island after all, but Gummy Bear Land, which was about 5 miles away from Funnel Cake Castle. He wandered through Gummy Bear Land and ended up lost in the Candy Cane Forest, which led him to the Lollipop Forest, which ends right by the Funnel Cake Castle. So, he knocked on the large Gummy Door and when no one answered he pushed open the door and went right on in and made himself at home.

"Hello?! Is anyone here?!"

"We do," said Lexi from the top of the stairs.

"Get out of my way, Amber!" yelled Mac jumping up and down, "I can't see!" When she had pushed Amber out of the way, her face lit up.

"Gilligan? Is that you?"

"Oh no, not her!" Gilligan said, as a look of panic crossed his face.

"Gilligan!" yelled Mac as she jumped off the bottom step. She gave Gilligan the biggest hug ever! (And that's including Agravaine and her monkeys.)

"Get off, get off!" yelled Gilligan, "I don't like you!"

Mac looked up at him and her eyes narrowed. "What did you just say?"

silence

"To the dungeon!" Mac yelled as her flying monkeys swarmed in and carried Gilligan down to the dungeon.

The dungeon of Funnel Cake Castle was not a pleasant place. It was an absolute torture chamber. It was painted pink with fuchsia accents and it was decorated with pink clouds, unicorns and pastels. shudders

"So," said Gilligan, "where's the dragon?"

"Dragon?" asked Amber, "Why would there be a dragon?"

"You know, 'Dungeons and Dragons.'"

Amber still looked blank.

"Okay, then if there's not a dragon the where's all the swords, steel and other stuff like that?"

"What?" asked Mac, "And let you have fun?"

As the three started for the stairs Gilligan yelled, "You're not going to leave me here are you?!"

They laughed, evilly.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Gilligan from his pastel prison.

"I'm hungry," said Mac, "What have we got?"

"I think we should go save the munchkins," said Lexi to Amber and Mac in the kitchen.

"Yes! Then I can visit Munchkin!" said Mac, swallowing a mouthful of goldfish.

"Der Wuvil Fuffed!" shouted Amber with her mouth full of Oreos.

"What?" asked Lexi and Mac, together.

"Der Wuvil Fuffed!!!"

"Wuvil Fuffed?" asked Mac, "What in Pooka are you talking about?!"

Amber swallowed and said "They're doubled stuffed!"

"What does that have to do with Munchkin?"

"Nothing," answered Amber.

Lexi shook her head.

"Let's go save the world," said Mac "But first I need to go get my monkey cape..."

A half an hour later, the three were standing at the start of their repulsive Fuchsia Brick Road.

After Mac had searched the entire castle for 20 minutes before finding her cape Jack ambushed them. Who knew hew he know they were going to visit Fiona?

He cornered Amber in the hall of the 4th floor.

"What do you want?" asked Amber, "Don't you have some pets to clean?"

"You're going to see Foeenah, aren't you?" Jack asked.

"Maybe..."

"Won't you take this to her?" he asked, pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"Fine! Just let me go!!!" yelled Amber.

Jack was so pleased that he gave Amber a hug. When he finally let go of her Amber ran away yelling.

"The big bad ugly servant hugged me! Ewwwwewwww!!! Dude."

-Back in Munchkin Land-

"So," asked Mac, "Where is everyone?"

"This is odd," said Amber, "Usually the munchkins are outside being strange."

They walked around for awhile looking for signs of life. Finally, they saw a building with a large sign on it saying '_Fiona, Live!_'

They went to investigate...

The building seemed to be some type of auditorium. The munchkins were sitting in rows and rows of chairs all staring at the stage's curtain. One munchkin noticed them and his eyes lit up. He came to the back of the room where the three were standing.

"Mac," he said whispering.

"Munchkin," she replied. "What in Pooka is going on here?"

"Sssh, Fiona will hear you, and she'll punish us even more."

"Punish you? How?"

Munchkin never got a chance to answer because at that moment the curtain started to rise and music flooded their ears. Foeenah, I mean, Fiona that's better, appeared on the stage. She was clad in spandex, feathers, and ballet slippers, nothing more.

Mac could not contain herself. "Wow!!! She's a stripper!!! Jack's in love with a stripper!!! Ha ha ha ...yeah!"

Fiona froze on stage. Her face grew red.

"So," said Mac, "This is how you've been torturing the munchkins..."

"Who do you think you are to just barge in here?!" yelled Fiona.

"We are," yelled Amber, "The K.F.C."

Fiona looked confused "Whaaaat?"

Lexi sighed, "The K.F.C., Kill Fiona Clan."

Fiona was livid. She jumped off the stage and ran towards the three.

"Uh, oh," said Mac, as she turned, and ran out the door. The other two followed close behind.

Fiona got up in Mac's face, pointing her finger and started to speak when Mac's eyes got huge and her mouth dropped open. She pointed towards the sky.

Fiona turned around to see what Mac was pointing at. She saw a large building flying trough the sky. She was frozen to the spot. Mac, Lexi, and Amber took this opportunity to run away. The building flew lower and lower, closer and closer. Still, Fiona didn't move, she was too stunned.

A high pitched scream came from the building.

Crunch!

The building landed smack on top of Fiona, only her ballet slippered feet stuck out.

Mac was overjoyed, "See! I told her she'd get squishered by a house! I was right!"

Lexi walked over and looked in a window, "Um, I think it's a dance studio."

"Oh, same thing."

Amber still stood with her mouth open, "She got squished!"

There was silence for a moment. Then, Mac said, "So yeah, who's up for some ice cream?"

"Oh me! Pick me! Pick me!" said Amber.

"You coming Lex?" asked Mac.

"Maybe later, I want to thank this person first."

Mac shrugged, and disappeared with Amber.

Lexi turned to face the building. Time to have a little fun.

A/N: SOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo…


End file.
